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A baby comes into your life and suddenly it’s like you are taking happy pills and thinking in weird, funny ways.

Babies don’t talk, don’t move and are ultimately boring (ok they are cute, and make your heart beat faster) — but they also demand your constant attention, throw up on you, make you wipe their shit, and do not allow you to sleep , so you have to make them entertaining.

We invented great plots around our son’s life when he was a baby and here is one of them:

Our boy was the Bunny King, ruling the bunny kingdom. Now that could be cute, you’d think.

So he needed some help to rule his kingdom, that role was fulfilled by his toys:

The big fluffy caterpillar became the transport minister, helping plushed animals go from one place to the other.

The big elephant became the defense minister, we needed him as you never knew what those pesky neighbors from the Milk Kingdom and Parrot Island would do.

The hoody bear was the interior minister and the KGB chief, surveying the lot and making sure that all was fine in the Kingdom, and nobody escaped or badmouthed the king. Some toys could have held a grudge against his majesty seeing how they were being bitten, drooled on or puked on, but the hoody bear kept everybody under control.

The lions were making sure the supply of milk would not run out. Our three plushed lions were all named after famous French footballers, Jean Pierre Papin, Eric Cantona and Thierry Henry. Only Cantona survived the test of time, and is now named Coo by our son.

There was also the psychedelic looking toy dog  with his big enormous eyes and crooked smile, he was the king’s fool!

The parrot was the evil Archenemy of the King!! Devising various plots to throw down the monarchy!!!

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Oh no, I hear there is a cabinet reshuffling

After a while things got boring in the Bunny Kingdom, but then the Milk Kingdom threatened to stop the supplies of milk. Some silly border vomiting incident flared up the whole situation!! Drama in the Bunny kingdom!!!

The defense minister was making preparations for war, all the other animals were called upon!!

And then I looked at my wife and said, “We need to get out more! We’re going crazy!!!”

Thus war was averted.

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